August Blog
The first Sunday in August has been designated International Friendship Day. The dictionary defines friendship as “being attached to another by affection or esteem” and as “favored companionship and connection.” Many children seem to effortlessly connect and befriend other children at playgrounds, in school, on athletic teams and other venues, and some continue these friendships into adulthood, while others struggle to find a sense of belonging and connection throughout the lifespan, battling a sense of isolation and loneliness that has been found to have a detrimental impact on mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Humans are neurobiologically designed for interaction and connection with others.
Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy found in his research that “loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.
The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.”[1]
Equines are similarly wired for social interaction and belonging. As herd animals, they seek out the companionship and comfort of other equines, and if trust is built, with humans and other species as well. They struggle with isolation just as people do. Social media is full of both moving and often entertaining images of horses snuggling or playing with each other and with animals as diverse as cats, dogs, chickens, and even hedgehogs. They show a capacity for curiosity, compassion, and acceptance for even those vastly different in every way from themselves, qualities that humans often struggle to display when faced with anyone unfamiliar or different in appearance, behavior, or language.
Sometimes, horses can offer a bridge to connection for those wounded in their human relationships by abuse, or experiences of being misunderstood and misjudged that have left them feeling alienated and ashamed. As a trauma therapist, I often work with people who have lost their trust in other humans but are willing to take a chance on trusting an equine partner in therapy. This was the case with Lucy, who lost both of her parents to a tragic accident and was then mistreated by the relative who took her in. Although she had since been placed with a stable and loving family, she could not open herself to the risk of making herself vulnerable again and remained withdrawn and silent. One of my therapy horses, Copper, who has appointed himself the social greeter in the herd, seemed to make it his mission to bring Lucy out of her shell. He was the first to approach her when we entered the pasture, and followed her patiently around for several sessions, until she relented and began showing some interest in getting to know him better. When she saw him rolling in the mud after a period of rain, I heard her laugh for the first time. She continued to squeal with laughter after I gave her a bucket and sponges so she could give him a much-needed bath, and he shook himself all over her, drenching her as well.
Lucy has successfully integrated into her new family after spending several months in sessions with Copper as her equine therapy partner. He helped draw her out of her shell without words, as he remained genuinely present and available for connection without judgment or expectations. He simply accepted and enjoyed her for who she was at any given time. Lucy tells anyone who will listen that Copper is her new best friend and that he helped her learn to make friends with people again, including trusting her adoptive family.
In our current political and social climate of division and polarization, we need to focus on friendship and connection now more than ever. When you reach out to a friend to let them know how much you appreciate and value their relationship on International Friendship Day, be sure to remember your equine friends as well!
[1] https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf