January Blog
Below is a story that illustrates the ripple effect as an unexpected encounter between a grieving mare and a discouraged woman became life changing for both of them.
Most of us have a memory of throwing a pebble or stone into a body of water at some point in our childhood and watching with fascination as concentric circles ripple out from its point of entry. We observe with wonder, as even a tiny rock continues to ruffle the surface of the water in an increasing radius from where it first landed. We imagine the stone sinking down and possibly disturbing other creatures or vegetation below as it continues its journey to the bottom of the lake to settle somewhere in the sand below.
Mirriam Webster’s Dictionary defines a ripple effect as “a spreading, pervasive, and usually unintentional effect or influence.” Just as throwing a small stone can alter a watery habitat both on the surface and below, so can any action, whether significant or seemingly insignificant, affect the environment around us.
Consider the smile you received from the cashier at the grocery store on a particularly awful day that still had the power to lift your spirits a bit. Perhaps you shared that smile with another person in the grocery store parking lot that you didn’t know was also experiencing difficult challenges and who was then able to go home and be more patient with her children because your small kindness softened her mood as well. We don’t always consider how we influence those around us simply by the way we are showing up at any given time, for better or worse.
I experienced this with my client, Lila, coming to me for Equine Assisted Psychotherapy at the urging of her sister, who was concerned about her recent engagement to a much older man struggling with substance abuse and violent outbursts when under the influence. Lila came to her first session dressed in black from head to toe, her countenance matching her somber attire. She did not make eye contact and kept her head down during the intake portion of the session, where I take a brief history and ask clients to set some goals for our work together. In a monotone voice, with a stony face, Lila said her one goal was “to get her sister off her back.” Mentally I was prepared for this to be my first and last session with Lila, as in my experience people who come to counseling to pacify someone else don’t usually continue unless they can find a reason to come back for themselves.
As we walked into the pasture to meet the herd of horses I partner with for Equine Assisted Psychotherapy, I observed Lila to see if meeting them would impact her dour demeanor in any way. Horses are so authentic and genuine in their presence that I have seen even the most discouraged, shut down or anxious individuals experience a positive shift when they encounter these gracious, gentle creatures. Lila, however, maintained a rigid body posture and granite expression even when my most curious and friendly quarter horse, Copper, wandered over to offer his big, square head for a pat. Then Lila spied my shy Appaloosa, Spirit, hanging back behind the herd, as she had begun doing when I brought someone new into the pasture. Spirit had recently lost her best friend and herd mate, Star, to a serious illness, and was still mourning Star’s absence (as I was).
“Who is that?” Lila enquired, showing her first spark of interest in any aspect of the therapy process up to this point. I briefly explained Spirit’s recent loss and how her grief had caused her to become more withdrawn and shut down than before. As the rest of the herd wandered off, Lila and Spirit regarded each other quietly for several more minutes. I wondered if Spirit was going to turn away when Lila took a tentative step towards her, as she had been avoiding human encounters since Star’s death, but Spirit stayed still, watchful and alert as Lila slowly closed the distance between them. Lila stopped a little way from the small mare, closed her eyes, and took the first deep breath she had taken the whole session. Spirit lowered her head and exhaled deeply as well. It turned out to be a small but significant connection for both of them.
Lila surprised me by continuing to come regularly for therapy sessions. She and Spirit slowly developed a trusting bond that brought them both out of their defensive posture and into a softer space for their nervous system as they found safety together. I learned more about Lila’s difficult childhood which was marred by abuse and abandonment, and the ensuing sense of worthlessness that made her current relationship seem like “what she deserved.”
“This is my first truly safe relationship,” she told me one day as we went out to spend time with Spirit. As they walked together in the pasture, Lila’s head bent low towards Spirit’s ear as she told her about how she had broken off her engagement to her abuser, and enrolled in some college courses, I noticed that a flash of yellow peeking out from under her black sweatshirt. Noticing me looking, Lila winked. “Yellow is Spirit’s favorite color, you know.”
Lila kept in touch with me over the years. She graduated nursing school, where she met a fellow student who was kind and gentle and to whom she eventually became engaged. Recently she reached out to ask if she could bring someone to meet Spirit. Intrigued, I agreed, and we set up a time for her to come to the farm. At the appointed time, I was delighted to see Lila coming towards me holding hands with a child, excitedly skipping beside her. Lila introduced me to her six year old daughter, Letitia, and said she wanted Letitia to meet “my very first best friend.” As I opened the pasture gate to let them walk through, I hung back for a moment, fixing in my mind the image of mother and daughter, holding hands, smiling with eager anticipation as they walked towards Spirit, who regarded them with curiosity and then familiarity as she recognized Lila and began walking towards them. Both of them were wearing bright yellow.
I frequently reflect on this ripple effect of an unexpected encounter between a grieving mare and a discouraged woman that became life changing for both of them. We often look at well known people who make news headlines for an important scientific discovery that will lead to breakthrough treatments for a serious disease or have donated an amount of money we couldn’t earn in a lifetime to a particular charity or cause and think, “Wow, they are really making a difference in the world,” while feeling a sense of inadequacy that we could never achieve this kind of impact, so why even bother trying? “Making a difference in the world” can seem to be the domain of those with more wealth, access, influence or education.
But we are overlooking the truth of the ripple effect. While “big actions” can certainly produce “big results,” lasting positive change is much more often the outcome of small, sustained efforts by people like you and me, whose main resource is a caring heart and the stubborn hope and belief that we can make the world a better place for all the creatures that inhabit it if we work together.
This is where the mission of HHRF becomes so crucial. In order to “do better,” we need to “know better.” And in order to “know better,” we need accurate information separating fact from fiction, and truth from the myths that persist simply due to ignorance and tradition. By funding research into how horses and humans can work together more ethically and sustainably to improve the welfare of both, and disseminating the findings in accessible and easily digestible ways to those it would benefit, HHRF creates opportunities for people to improve human and equine lives by giving of their time, attention, enthusiasm, skills and yes, money, to participate in these ripple effects of growth.
When we are better informed, we can implement better care for equines and better practices for partnering them with humans for the healing and thriving of both species. The ripple effect is real! Consider how you can begin to make ripples wherever you live, work and play to create a more ethical, sustainable and connected world for humans and horses. You never know when meeting a horse can change your life!